


burnt out cigarettes

by Cakeenkets



Category: mystreet
Genre: Light Angst, M/M, Past Lovers, Romance, Swearing, actually its pretty angsty, because it's Zane, this is my first fic that actually has more than 1 chapter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2019-06-15 01:12:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15401679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cakeenkets/pseuds/Cakeenkets
Summary: After leaving for college, Zane Ro'meave returns to his hometown only to face old feelings he thought had been burnt out over the course of the five years he was gone.





	1. old town, same faces

Five years had passed since Zane Ro'meave left his hometown. He left to pursue college at a prestigious school outside town so he had to move in to the city, leaving all his friends and family behind. 

It wasn't much of a hard decision for him, really. He didn't have much friends in the first place anyways and he always was distant from his parents and his brothers. So he left town rather swiftly in a heartbeat.  No regrets whatsoever; Well, at least he tries to convince himself that that's exactly how it happened.

 

"BABY BROTHER!!" A large pair of hands wrapped around Zane, causing him to fall back a bit.  "I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!", the voice mused, sobbing and sniffing in between their words.  

"Garroth!" Zane growled. He struggled to push his brother away from his space but he can only do so much considering Garroth had always been far fitter than him. "Get off of me, you're choking me!"

"Hey big bro!", another voice calls out. 

_Vylad_. Zane thought.

"Vylad! Tell Garroth to get the hell off me, will you?" 

The young man looked at the two of them and completely ignored Zane's cries for help. Instead, in a mischievous tone he exclaimed, "Hey! Having a group hug without me, aren't you?"

_Oh no no no no no no._ Vylad don't you _dare_.

Without a warning, Vylad then jumped at the two of them, finally causing all three of them to crash and fall onto the floor. 

"AHHH!!" Zane screamed as he fell, Garroth and Vylad following him after and falling right on top of him. 

Zane pushed the two of his siblings off him to his side. Garroth still hugging Zane's waist, sobbing and Vylad now laying his back on the ground, laughing hysterically. 

"Garroth!! Get off me!", Zane yelled.

The blond finally let go of his younger brother. His eyes were red and wet from tears. He sniffed a few times before he wiped his face and smiled. "I really missed you, Zane," he said.

In moments like this, Zane would normally look away and dismiss what his brother had just said or sometimes, he'd even tease him and call him lame for saying such things. But this time was different, instead the young raven haired smiled at his brother and said, "Me too."

"Hey, I'm here too!", Vylad interrupted the sentimental moment. 

Zane rolled his eyes. "Sure."

"Hey!" Vylad snapped back, his voice was playful. 

Zane scoffed. He got up and started to brush off the dust on his pants. He began to reach for his bags when Garroth stopped him by hugging his luggage. 

"Garroth, what-"

"You must have had a very long trip, baby brother." The blond assumed. "So I can imagine how tired you are from carrying these heavy bags on your own all day."

"So", Vyald joined in Garroth. "Me and big bro over here had decided to unpack your stuff for you." He smirked, whilst patting on the enormous luggage Zane had brought in with him upon his arrival.

"What am I supposed to do now? Sit still and look pretty then?", Zane folded his arms, raising an eyebrow. 

Vylad glanced at Garroth and Garroth did the same before returning his gaze at Zane.

"Vylad and I thought maybe you should check out on everybody in town while we take care of your stuff", he shrugged.

"Me? Check up on people?", Zane snorted. "I think you've forgotten how I act in the five years I left. I don't do people."

"Oh c'mon, there's gotta be at least one person out there", Garroth insisted. 

Zane turned his face sideways. Maybe. He thought. 

"What about Aphmau?", Vylad suddenly tuned in. "Didn't you two become friends before you left or something?"

"Oh yeah! I remembered that." Garroth looked at Zane bitterly. Zane saw this and threw a smug look at him.

"Maybe you should go visit her!" Vylad lifted one of Zane's bags. "She was at the park a while ago, maybe she's still there?"

Zane sighed. He tilted his head to the side. "I guess it wouldn't hurt too bad to say hi."

"That's the spirit!" Garroth boomed. 

"Whatever", Zane lifted his hand to do a swaying motion, indicating that it was no big deal. He fixed his ruffled up clothes and reached for the door knob.

"Don't forget to tell her her not-alone-buddy says hi!", Vylad called out just in time as Zane opened the door.

"Ack! Me too!" Garroth followed.

Zane sighed as he closed the door behind him. He could still hear more muffled yelling and bickering from his two brothers but he didn't bother hearing any more so he began walking to the local park.

He put his hands in the pockets of his jacket as he felt a cold breeze of wind past him. The sky had become dim and gloomy. _Shit_. The raven haired cursed under his breath. He knew he shouldn't have listened to those idiots, but it was too late to turn his back now. He was already half way there. He had only hoped he could beat the rain to it.

Just as Zane spotted the park, the predictable had begun. Small drops of rain started falling from the sky. Zane slowly started gaining speed in his pace, muttering swear words as each drop of water landed on his face. From what started as a light shower, it quickly transitioned into a very heavy rain.

Zane ran towards the park, particularly heading towards to one of the waiting benches in there that had a cover he could take refuge in. As soon as he reached the hooded area, he gasped to catch his breath. He seriously needed to work out more often.

Luckily, he reached the benches just in time before the rain had the chance to soak him.

_Just my luck._ He groaned. He stared at the rain and glanced at the floor. He felt a smile tug and creep onto his face. 

So far, everything is the same just as he left. He thought. This is good, _right_? Maybe. But the same doesn't always mean good, does it? 

He sighed.  He began to reach for his phone in the back pocket of his jeans when a familiar figure caught his eye from the background. 

His eyes widened.

 

"Travis?"


	2. regrets, regrets, and more regrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zane sees a familiar face that triggers familiar memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long wait :0 i actually started this chapter as soon as i finished the first but i eventually lost interest in it so i forgot about it.  
> thanks to those who commented on the first chapter tho <3 i was so ready to drop this fic but your comments encouraged me not to.  
> so here it is! hopefully, chapter 3 will come out soon :0

"Travis?"

Zane asked no one but himself. He intently peered at the figure. Maybe he had mistaken? No, he couldn't have.

The boy that stood across him, had that same mess of white hair that stuck out in all directions, the same toned and well-built figure, the same slightly tanned complexion. Hell, he even had the same clothes he wore five years ago, on the day before Zane left town.

And Zane could've sworn, he saw a glimpse of those bright emerald green eyes. He felt shivers down his spine. Or maybe it was just the wind brushing the back of  his neck? Either way, it didn't sit well with him.

It seemed like Travis hadn't changed at all, well, at least that is what Zane could make out of him from observing him under the harsh cold rain pouring from the sky. That's when it hit him. Literally. He flinched as he felt the cold drops of water meet his skin.

"Travis!"

Zane called out, but the teen didn't even flinch.

Zane grumbled. 

"Travis!"

He called out a second time, this time, cupping his hands on his mouth in an attempt to gain the attention of the white-haired teen over all the noise the heavy rain is causing.

The man in his late teens  looked at him and returned his wide-eyed expression, but quickly averted his gaze and slowly stared off to the distance again. 

 _That dumbass._ _What is he doing?_ Zane's brows furrowed and he was almost about to give up trying to knock some sense into the guy standing in the middle of a rainstorm, but instead, he sighed and cursed. He was going to regret what he was about to do next.

The raven-haired launched into the rain. The cold rain was harsh against his body, even with his clothing wrapping every exposed skin on his body ( _with the exception of his face of course, thanks to his face mask_ ). He pathetically made his way to Travis, clutching onto his side, shivering and occasionally gasping for air. He's definitely considering Garroth's offer on working out with him right now.

Zane stood beside Travis, slouching, his body easily beat by the rain. Travis didn't even look at him. It was either he didn't notice the male beside him or he was just being a dick. 

Zane was more than enough done with this bullshit. He grabbed Travis' wrist impulsively, and rather harshly, causing the man in his late teens to turn around and face Zane.

Zane's annoyed and agitated expression on his face quickly dissolved. 

"Travis?"

The green eyes that faced him were dull and faded. They had this sadness that broke Zane's heart (assuming he still had one, which he does by the way, you guys are just mean.) The two stared at each other for what seemed like forever, forgetting about the rain pouring against their heads. 

The rising tension in the situation had finally tore onto Travis as he shifted his feet, his eyes breaking off the stare, quickly shifting back and forth on to Zane and the ground. He released a shaky sigh. A nervous half-hearted smile finally making its way onto his face as he tilted his head.

"Hey", Travis finally spoke, his voice horse and nasal, barely audible from the sound of the rain.

 _Hey?_ Was _"hey"_ all he could say? After he made Zane worry about him so much to even go as far as to lunge himself into the rain? Zane's nose crinkled, his eyes narrowed at the timid boy before him. He wanted to yell at Travis, scold him, lecture him, and make him feel terrible of what he was doing but he didn't. No sound came out of the raven-haired's mouth even when he opened it.

Silence.

"I didn't know you were coming back", Travis muttered so quietly that Zane wondered if the teen meant for him to hear that. Zane answered anyways.

"I didn't either."

Travis' eyes widened for a moment before quickly shifting his gaze. 

"Oh."

The white haired shifted uncomfortably, seeming to have just noticed the rain. Zane took this as an opportunity to finally convince him to take refuge from the rain and head to the safety of the covers protecting the benches. He stared at Travis, waiting for him to look at him. When their eyes finally met, Zane nodded at the direction of the benches. Travis got the idea and hesitantly nodded back. Once they made their way to the bench, Zane was the first to open his mouth.

"What the hell were you doing out there?", he demanded. 

Travis looked down. "The rain caught onto me."

"But you didn't move", Zane pointed out. "You know there are benches everywhere but you didn't move." 

Travis gulped. He kept his gaze at the same direction. Zane sighed.

"Katelyn and I broke up."

Zane was quick to shoot a confused look at Travis. Why is he telling him this? Of all things to say, why this? He expected the teen to say more details but when he didn't, Zane furrowed his eyebrows.

"I didn't know you two dated."

"Well, you didn't know a lot of things about me after you left for college", Travis laughed, but his laugh was empty.

Zane looked away, embarrassed he was guilty as charged. He did completely cut off all communication with Travis. 

Travis smiled weakly. "She wasn't the one who broke up with me though so don't worry about it."

Zane quirked an eyebrow at the young man. 

Travis chuckled. "I did."

Zane stared at Travis for a moment, dumbfounded at the situation at hand. Travis and Katelyn finally hit it off? And they broke up, but Travis was the one who ended it. Why?

Travis must've seen through the confusion dancing around inside Zane's head, because he started speaking. 

"I asked her out some time after you left," Travis answered. He let out a laugh that sounded too hoarse and strained before shaking his head. "I honestly thought she wouldn't give me a chance. She was always clear about it but.." He titled his head. "This time, she said yes."

Zane nodded and Travis continued on, "We hit it off for a good few months but the more we got to know each other-" He tilts his head to the side. "-The more I realized I wasn't really in love with her as much as I thought I was. I think i just liked the idea of liking her, but I still love her as a friend though."

Zane hummed quietly. Travis paused. His green eyes gradually widened. A notable hue of red dusted on his cheeks, as if he just realized that he was blabbering all this time. He stared at Zane's direction with his wide eyes and immediately looked away. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

Travis flinched at the raven-haired's casual demeanor. It was an acceptable response  from anybody yet Zane felt something prick inside him. He half-expected Travis to be used to this side of him by now. But he guessed, five years does change a lot of things so he decided to keep quiet about it.

Zane could see that Travis was growing more and more uncomfortable as each second passed by. The teen twitched and shivered ever so slightly from time to time. It was minor and really easy to miss but Zane could always notice this little details about the teen without him even trying to. Zane hated that about himself.

He took off his black (and now wet) jacket to reveal him wearing a sweater underneath. The wet jacket is now rested on the side of the bench to dry and he began to take off his sweater as quickly as he could so that his wet hair won't ruin the seemingly perfectly dried sweater. 

He handed Travis the sweater. "Don't worry, it's dry. My jacket is sort of waterproof." He looked up at Travis to see that the teen's face had been flushed with colour. Zane felt the bridge of his nose ever so slightly heat up at the sight and he mentally cursed himself for it. 

Travis hesitantly took the sweater and clumsily muttered a messy thank you. He pointed at Zane. "What about you?"

"If the sweater is dry, my shirt is dry too, Travis. Your's is soaking wet, you need to change. I'm fine."

Travis sheepishly smiled at this. 

More silence.

"So, you're back," Travis spoke again. The teen could never sit well in silence. He would always do his best to stray away from silence even if it meant blurting out ideas that didn't make any sense or topics that are too sensitive to even be brought up in the first place. Unfortunately for Zane, Travis chose the latter of the two.

A simple "yeah" was all Zane could mutter in return. 

The silence between the two of them was way more deafening than the pitter-patter of the rain to Zane. Zane's hands twitched and he mentally cursed himself for it. He dug his hand into his pocket and felt for his already-opened packet of cigarettes. He traced his finger over the line of cigarette sticks before deciding on pulling out the whole pack from his pocket. He turned to look at Travis. The teen was staring at him, his sweater still in his hands. 

Zane looked away, feeling slightly uncomfortable with the way Travis was looking at him. Travis seemed to get the hint because he quickly turned his head. 

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay." 

Zane played with the small carton box with his hands for a moment before sighing and holding out the box at Travis. He kept his gaze fixed in front of him, not saying a word per usual. He hoped the teen beside him got the idea and he didn't need to open his mouth to say anything. 

Travis weakly smiled at him as he shook his head.

He chuckled, "I don't smoke, remember?"

_The two stood by each other under the bleachers. The both of them had decided to skip class that day, well, Zane decided that he was too good for school that day. Travis was just there because he wanted to tag along._

_It was a cold day since winter was just around the corner, ready to burst in at any moment but Travis had his blazer unbuttoned and his tie undone for the sole reason of Dante saying that it attracted the ladies, whatever that meant._

_Zane on the other hand had his uniform on properly but that didn't make him any less of a rebel than Travis was making himself seem to be. The raven-haired had his face mask removed and hanging right under his chin, the freckles scattered under his eyes and the bridge of his nose very visible thanks to his fairly pale complexion._

_He coughed out harshly, his eyes watering and reddening. Travis quickly came to his rescue and began patting on his back and rubbing circles right after._

_"Are you okay?", the white-haired teen's brows furrowed, concern clearly visible on his face._

_Zane coughed a few more times before weakly pushing Travis away. He wiped the small tears beginning to form on his eyes._

_"_ _I'm fine", he answered, his voice hoarse and unconvincing._

_Travis shot him a look but Zane chose to ignore it. He dropped his cigarette on the pavement floor and crushed it with the sole of his shoe. He fished for his pack in his blazer's pocket (not the best spot to hide cigarettes he had to admit) and was honestly disappointed to see he only had one stick left._

_He cursed silently before sighing. He stared at Travis and caught him still looking at him with clear concern and disappointment. Zane hummed to himself and looked away before deciding that he didn't want to deal with any of Travis' bullshit worrying today. So instead he reached out his box of cigarettes and shook it in front of the white-haired._

_Travis blinked at him in confusion but Zane gave him nothing for an explanation other than an unreadable expression plastered on his face and a nearly empty carton of cigarettes being shook in front of the white-haired's eyes._

_"I don't smoke." Travis finally caught on._

_Zane sighed and rolled his eyes._

_"I don't either."_

_"That's a big lie and you know that, Ro'meave," Travis barked._

_Zane flinched at the sound of his name. Nobody called him by his last name. People often found it just as uncomfortable as he did. Being related to one of the most popular and athletic kid at school was hard to believe by most of the student population. Some students wouldn't even accept it. He could notice that some of the teachers even felt weird calling him by his last name too, and he knew that the weirdness of the tone of their voices wasn't because his name was uncommon, but it was because they too, didn't believe it that he was related to Garroth Ro'meave. It hurt him a bit but overtime, he learned how to get used to it. He had no choice after all._

_"Y'know, smoking is bad for you," Travis spoke again._

_Zane gasped. "No shit, Sherlock."_

_"No need to be an asshole. It's true!", Travis pouted. "It could kill you!"_

_"Then good."_

_A horrified expression crawled its way onto Travis' face. He furrowed his brows and shot Zane a dangerous look. He shook his head and sighed shakily. "Why do you have to always be so emo?"_

 _"_ _Why do you always have to be preppy?" Zane shot back almost instantly._

_Travis stayed silent for a while, his face unreadable for once. Zane's stomach turned in an unpleasant manner. Why the fuck was he feeling like this? He surely remembered eating a shit ton this morning so he wasn't hungry. Travis played with his tie for a while. His white hair messy from the strong breeze brushing past the two boys. He pushed back the hair that hung over his forehead and Zane felt the back of his neck heat up. Odd._

_Travis narrowed his eyes at Zane and for a moment, Zane found himself feeling slightly nervous._

_"This is peer pressure."_

_Zane instantly groaned. He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Ugh, you know what, whatever." He took the last cigarette stick to himself, placing the cancer stick on his mouth as he threw the small carton box at his side. It didn't matter where it landed, the spot underneath the bleachers was a dump anyways._

_He took the cigarette from his mouth and placed it between his fingers. He gestured the stick at Travis. To which in Travis' response, he merely stared at it with his signature dumbfounded expression._

_Zane sighed. He tilted his head to the side, "Light?"_

_"O-oh! Yeah! Sorry.." Travis' face reddened as he clumsily reached for the lighter in his pocket. Zane always wondered why the white-haired always had a lighter with him but he didn't bother asking, and he didn't care about the answer anyways.  He imagined that maybe Travis' dad was a frequent smoker and he depended on his son to carry his lighter for him or something. That would be a shitty dad, Zane had to admit. Or Travis actually smoked and he was just a lying bastard. Two both plausible answers._

_Travis lighted Zane's cigarette and Zane popped the stick on his mouth, inhaling and then exhaling the smoke while Travis watched silently by his side. It was always like this. Zane would skip class. Travis would follow. Zane brought the cigarettes. Travis brought the lighter. But it was always only Zane who smoked under the bleachers._

_Travis bit his lip. "I-I wanna try smoking this time."_

_Zane choked and coughed out the smoke. Travis panicked beside him and he quickly rushed over to Zane's aid._

_"-motherfucker!" The raven-haired boy gasped for air. He glared at Travis and noticed that the boy was standing close by him, too close. He was rubbing his back and giving him a worried expression Zane was all too used to getting._

_"Are you okay?" Travis finally asked._

_Zane glared daggers at him silently before opening his mouth, ignoring his question altogether, "You should've decided that earlier, dumbass."_

_Travis awkwardly chuckled as he scratched the back of his neck. "I'm sorry.."_

_Zane huffed. He stared at the cigarette now placed between his fingers then moved his gaze at Travis, who he caught was also staring at his cigarette. Zane spoke,"I'm not gonna share you this with you."_

_"I know.." Travis sheepishly smiled. He shuffled his feet at the ground._

_Zane groaned. This was the first time Travis had actually wanted to try smoking and as much as Zane hated to share anything with anyone, he was quite curious with why the teen suddenly wanted to murder his lungs like he did. Zane contemplated for a minute but as each second passed by and as each particle of ash that fell onto the concrete ground, he grew more and more agitated and indecisive, until finally he sucked in a breath and huffed._

_"Ugh, fine, here." He passed Travis the cancer stick._

_Travis blew out the air he had been holding in his cheeks. He awkwardly and cautiously took the cigarette from Zane, slow and careful as if the cancer stick will dissolve as soon as it brushed the teen's fingertips._

_Normally, Zane would roll his eyes at the sight but instead, he found himself watching intently at the white-haired's every movement, entranced at the way the teen closed the cigarette stick in between the gaps of his two shaking fingers, seeming to threaten to fall off his grasp at any second. The way his lips parted as he drew out a shaky breath, smoke from the coldness of the air escaping from his lips. His eyes, the usual soft green hue seemed to have been drowned by fear and curiosity at the same time. As the stick met Travis’ lips, his eyelids lowered halfway as his soft white lashes almost kissed the cheeks of his lightly tanned skin. Travis fully closed his eyes and inhaled the smoke a little too enthusiastically. His head immediately drew back from the cigarette stick and he coughed and wheezed. Zane choked out a laugh._

_Travis’ eyes began to water and he shot a glare at Zane who struggled to stifle a laugh. Of all times the raven-haired wished he had his mask on, this was one of them._

_"Why are you laughing?" Travis asked, his voice cracking slightly and sounding like a child pouting at being called cute instead of tough and scary. Zane found it oddly adorable._

_"Nothing,” Zane tried to reply nonchalantly but his voice betrayed him otherwise._

_Travis’ eyes widened and his face heated up as he did. He shoved Zane with his free hand. "You know, you do it all the time too, dickhead!"_

_Zane snorted and finally let his eyes roll. He motioned his hand at Travis._

_"Just shut up and pass me the cigarette."_

 

Eventually, to his relief, the rain began to slowly subside and tiny specks of sunshine peaked through the clouds above. Zane stood up and dropped his cigarette on the the concrete below, making sure to step on the cancer stick to put an end to the dying flame on the said stick. He picked up his jacket from where he left it on the bench, not daring to look at Travis as he turned his heel to start walking. 

"Hey Zane."

Zane paused but he didn't turn around. He waited for the white-haired to continue speaking but he was greeted back with silence. His heart throbbed and he had no idea why. Seemingly, Travis had realized that he had waited too long to continue talking and that he had created an awkward pause between his sentences. Zane could hear the teen's voice stutter but quickly recover from the slip-up. Zane closed his eyes and braced himself for whatever it was that was going to be thrown at him. But out of all of the things he had expected Travis to do or say, he hadn't expected him to say a simple little phrase.

"I missed you."

Zane's eyes fluttered back open. He resisted the urge to turn around and confront the teen. He didn't want to give him any of a reaction. That was one of his reasons for not moving. Another was that he was afraid to see what Travis looked like. He knew Travis wasn't the type to cry. The white-haired was surprisingly very good at handling his own emotions but after four years of desperate text messages and depressing voicemails, Zane didn't know how he acted anymore. And he was afraid to find out too.

He could just leave, ignore everything and not give a single care in the world like he always did. It has always been easier that way, but something in him ached. He couldn't pinpoint what it was, and that frustrated him to the ends of hell. 

So he turned around, and opened his mouth to say a phrase he would surely regret in the future. A phrase that would tear down all the hard work he's done in maintaining the walls he had built around him. He faced Travis, and as he looked at the hopeful smile delicately plastered across the white-haired's face, the soft green hue of his flickering emerald eyes, he spoke.

"I missed you too."

And so he was wrapped around in a tight hug and the wetness of damp clothing wasn't the only thing that stained his shirt.


	3. blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Travis misses the color blue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry for the delay! i originally made this chapter way longer than it has to be. so i cut off half of it, because half of it can actually stand on it's own as a separate chapter.   
> the next chapter is on the works by the way! thank you for the continued support and patience!

Travis clutched onto Zane a little longer than any person should be hugging a friend, but it didn't matter to him. Zane was not a friend. He was someone more than a friend. Well, he used to be. 

As soon as realization dawned to him, Travis quickly tore himself apart from Zane. His gaze hit the wet pavement, refusing to stare at the teen's judging blue eyes as a familiar heat crept onto his face and the back of his neck. _Thank Irene he had tanned skin._

It took the white-haired teen a while for him to collect his thoughts and once he did, he let his gaze slowly rise up to meet blue colored irises looking straight back at him. He shamelessly let himself melt into the icy color people would normally flinch and cower before, but not him. This blue was a comforting blue. It was a blue that he could spend nights sleeping with, a sense of calmness and safety blanketing his entire mind and body. This blue reminded him of hushed murmurings and laughter as two figures escaped the night, prompting for a drive across the town with no particular destination in mind. This blue was the taste of bitter cigarettes and sweet vanilla icing, a mixed taste so intoxicating you could grow addicted to it in just a wink of an eye.

He missed this color. He missed it so much. It's been way too long since he'd last seen this blue, since he'd last been allowed to see this blue.

As he stared back into the color, the more the hue seemed to change, to twist around the sclera. This wasn't the blue he fell in love with anymore. _No_ , this wasn't his blue at all. This blue was sitting alone in an empty apartment, staring at a bowl of half eaten cereal, fingertips brushing over the only utensil sitting beside it, _cold_. _Cold and alone._ This blue was wet tears spilled on the cracked surface of an old cellphone. The artificial light of the device refusing to light up as each message and each voicemail was sent through the phone to the same exact contact every single day. This blue was countless sleepless nights of self-hatred and anxiety, staring back into a mirror as he decided to let the color red overpower the melancholic blue that plagued his dull and aching heart.

This was what this blue was. It was the isolation and loneliness he had endured over the years and this blue was spitting it at him, _mocking him_. 

Travis suddenly felt sick. He felt his throat clog up, like something is stuck in there. It simultaneously felt like burning and freezing at the same time. It felt more difficult to breathe and it wasn't the kind of difficulty he felt when he had first encountered this blue, it wasn't entrancing nor was it simply _'butterflies in his stomach_.' It was a horrible, _horrible_ feeling and Travis wanted out of it _now_. 

"I- I'm sorry, sorry. I-" Travis immediately tore his eyes from Zane's and began to muster out a sloppy apology, his voice wavering and uneven. It cracked once and the white-haired teen had to cough twice. He took a step back.

"-need to go-", He didn't even wait for a reply as he turned his heel and spun around. He began walking. Faster, and faster. And as soon as he thought he lost sight of Zane, he ran. But before he ran, he stared at the convenience store across from him. His stare bore through the glass walls covered with obnoxious promos and discounts the store had to offer and there, he saw her face looking at him. 

Her expression answered his question of him wondering whether she had seen everything that had happened in the park yet his expression did not answer at least one of the million questions that were probably spinning across her mind. He didn't wait any longer to see her finish pushing the door-handle of the store to find out. He would just let Zane do the talking for the both of them. He probably came to the park to visit her first anyways. They were friends after all.  

 

 

Zane stood perfectly still as he watched the retreating figure disappear from his line of vision His breathing quickened its pace. How long has he been breathing this fast? Was it because of the look the white-haired teen gave him, that look of longing, of sadness, of fear? 

Zane shook his head. He ran his hand across his hair before pulling down his face mask. He let go of a deep sigh and took in a lungful of fresh earthly air. Rain had always been one of Zane's favorites, when he wasn't soaked under the harsh weather of course. 

He needed some to think. He thought he already had enough time to think a week before he left his college dormitory. Turned out, he was mistaken.  

He let his frustrations out by furiously kicking some rocks sitting on the pavement, and tugging lightly on his damp hair with both of his hands. He suppressed the urge to scream his lungs out. He was never great at dealing with emotions, that's why he always tried his best with not feeling anything at all, but no matter any attempt, those damn feelings seemed to find their way creeping back into Zane's heart. And Zane _hated_ it. 

A faint green and yellow glow pulled away Zane's attention from the corner of his eye. He followed it with his gaze and came face to face with a convenience store. It looked rustic and seemed to be out of its time. Zane could recognize that store even from a mile away.  

It was the old local family-owned convenience store where he and his brothers would go to when they were younger. Their mom would give them money to buy any snacks they wanted and Garroth would always get himself a big bag of chips while Zane usually settled with a pack of sour candy or gummy treats, and Vylad, probably being the smartest of them before, would keep his money and save it for something bigger later on. 

Zane let himself frolic in the memory. A foreign expression tugging at his lips. Who knew he'd miss those two idiots so damn much? He guessed being apart from your loved ones can make you really appreciate them more.  

Zane walked the small distance between the park and the convenience store. Most of the promos and posters plastered on the store's front were tattered and outdated. It seemed like the newer owners never bothered to take them down or replace them. Zane couldn't blame them. The posters didn't really help much with the store's business and they were probably just a waste of ink and paper. 

As Zane inched his way towards the entrance, he saw a hazel color that immediately made him stop at his tracks. Wide and prying eyes were staring at him through the glass door, her painted fingers hovering over the door-handle. Her mouth formed an 'o' shape before slowly stretching into a huge wide grin. Zane remembered that smile. 

"Zane!!", an ear-piercing voice rang through both his ear drums, and before the raven-haired teen could register the glass door flying open or the annoyed cashier throwing heated lectures at their way, he was engulfed in a tight spine-crushing bear hug.  

"I missed you so so much, cupcake!", Aphmau spared no shame in expressing her sentiment loudly in public. She pressed her cheek onto Zane's chest and the slightly taller of the two tried his best to suppress a quickly deepening blush on his freckle-kissed cheeks. 

"A-Aphmau!" 

The feisty hispanic refused to move an inch and Zane automatically assumed that she didn't hear him, which was a highly unlikely scenario but Zane liked to give the girl the benefit of the doubt every now and then. Just as he began to open his mouth to speak again, she finally let him go.  

"I'm sorry", Aphmau gave him an apology, and she actually seemed genuine about it even though she was still smiling as she said it. She was beaming and her smile didn't falter an inch. It was infectious. "I can't believe you're actually here. Like _here_ , here." 

Zane huffed through his nose. He gave her a reassuring smile. "Believe it or not potato." 

Aphmau narrowed her eyes and then snorted. Her smile began to waver and the next thing Zane knew, there were tears. 

"Hey-- _hey_ , _Aph_ -", Zane immediately raised his hands to reach for her now shaking shoulders, clearly taken aback by the girl's sudden mood change. Only to pause, when a frustrated shout came from the girl's mouth. 

" _No_ , shut up, you dork!," she cried harder. Zane instantly clamped his mouth shut, following her orders as he did not know what else to do.

She pointed an accusatory finger at the teen, pressing her manicured nail onto his chest. "You disappear immediately right after high school ended-", she sniffed. Her brows furrowed and her mouth formed a tight frown as she stepped forward. "-and now you decided to just come back unannounced?" 

Aphmau dropped both of her hands to her side. Her shoulders slumped, and her whole body trembled as soft cries escaped her wavering lips. 

"Do you know how much of a _dick_ move that is?" She screamed at him, " _You dick_!" 

Zane stared at her. He shamefully dropped his gaze onto his boots, shuffling them nervously on the tiled flooring. He can feel Aphmau's heated gaze boring right through him. He noticed that her gaze wasn't the only one on him too. 

"I’m sorry," he muttered as he struggled to keep his breathing pace normal. He dared to slowly lift his gaze from his shoes, fully expecting to be face to face with an outraged and tear-stained Aphmau. 

Much to his surprise, Aphmau's features had no traces of being upset remaining. She was still tear-stained, but her face softened. Her body had stopped shaking and her earlier scowl was replaced with a warm and gentle smile. 

"I forgive you, Zane."

 _Forgive_. 

Zane let out a shaky sigh. He almost had a heart attack from the small girl's outrage. Although her anger may have been justified, Zane still would've preferred not having it in the first place. Though, he couldn't blame her. He was no better in handling emotions.  

Aphmau giggled and Zane realized that he had been spacing out again. He held his head down in embarrassment.  

"Thank you", he replied, much more awkward than he would've liked. 

Aphmau smiled at him. It put him at ease. 

"Still, you could've at least told me," she pouted as she positioned her hands on her hips.  

"I did. Kind of..," Zane weakly defended himself. 

Aphmau raised an eyebrow. "Yeah but that wasn't until after you left." She raised her hands in the sky to make sure she to emphasize what she meant. "I could've thrown you a farewell party. I could've made so much cupcakes!" 

Zane absentmindedly rubbed his shoulder. "Yeah, sorry about that." 

"So much cupcakes," she repeated with an even more deathly serious tone. 

"I know," Zane sighed. 

Aphmau went uncharacteristically quiet and Zane quirked an eyebrow at her. She lifted her hand and reached for Zane's arm. Zane let her. She refused to break eye contact with the teen as she lightly pinched his arm. 

" _Hey!_ Ow!", Zane flinched and he immediately snatched his arm away from the girl. 

"Sorry! Sorry!", she waved her hands at him. An apologetic smile already making its way onto her face. 

"What was that for?", Zane barked with no bite into it. He continued, "I get that you're upset with me but was that really necessary?" 

"This just feels so surreal!", Aphmau confessed. She played with her black painted nails. "We haven't seen each other in years and suddenly, you're here! You're like a ghost. Almost. Real edgy by the way."  

Zane rolled his eyes at the last comment. "It's not _that_ bad. We still had contact in the five years I was out of town, you know." 

"Yeah!", Aphmau crossed her arms. "That was only because I annoyed Garroth about where you were and got your new contact." 

Zane felt a whole new wave of shame and embarrassment sweep through him. Aphmau must've caught this as her expression widened. This topic must still be sensitive to the teen. She sighed, determined to save the conversation from going on act two of emotional confrontation.  

" _Blah blah blah_ , I don't wanna hear about that anymore. We'll talk about it some other time," Aphmau dismissively shook her head. 

Zane perked his head up, his features told her that she did not believe him. This was further confirmed when the raven-haired teen opened his mouth. 

"Are... you sure?" 

"Yes, Zane, I'm sure. I know you don’t wanna talk about it yet. I don't want to force it on you." 

Her smile was warm and welcoming. As much as Zane didn't want to admit it, it put him at ease. Zane was lucky to have Aphmau as his friend. 

"...Thank you," he returned the smile, just as genuine, and Aphmau beamed at him. 

"Anyways-", she linked her arm onto Zane's, resulting in the latter to flinch at the touch, suddenly all too cautious of how wet he was from the recent downpour. If her clothes got wet from the touch, she didn't mind it as she proceeded to press her body onto his side, in a way that wasn't at the very least suggestive or romantic but in the just right Aphmau-way of clinginess that was charming and irresistible to fight back.  

The hispanic lead him to the direction of the door. She casted him an all-too-familiar look and Zane almost regretted letting her take his arm. 

"We're going to have a little girls night out. I wanna know everything you've been up to!"


End file.
